Well here we are, 1/4 of the journey is over for Zac and I. Zac warned me that the six month mark might be the hardest, and it absolutely has been lately. I've been battling some real depression lately as the "Wow, Japan is so cool coating," has worn off. The days when Zac is at work are extremely long and lonely. I love Zac more than anything in this world, and living here together has definitely made us stronger and closer. We are all we've got in this place. But, when Zac leaves at sunrise and gets home at sunset, I'm left with an extremely long gap of time to fill. I'm not going to leave Zac to go back to America. We need each other, and moving back would be a selfish move, and wouldn't benefit either of us. Plus- I don't want to! People who haven't gone through this just can't relate. It's not like I am alone in America. I'm alone in a completely foreign world. It's not like I HAVE to be in the company of others, just for the sake of it. I usually prefer being a loner. Sure- paint. Wow! 3 hours gone! Ok- ride your bike. Geez- 2 hours are done! It's easy to say, but hard to understand. Even doing something like volunteering would be hard and probably more of a burden to those I would be volunteering for. People don't understand. I can speak some Japanese, but definitely not enough to communicate. It's hard on a whole new scale. Surprisingly, what has brought the most pain is all the microscopic planning of our future homestead I've been doing. Of course, it's good to plan. But I've been focusing way too much on how it WANT things to BE, instead of how they ARE. The obsessive planning of: what chicken is best, do we want to homeschool, what type of greenhouse is most efficient, where can I buy a dairy cow... Is making the depression worse. Ive decided its unhealthy to always be obsessing over the next thing I want. Besides, it's an endless and selfish desire that will never be satisfied. As hard as it's been lately, and as many times as Zac has come home to see a crying me sitting at the kitchen table: a grand, new realization has been made. We have traveled so far and been broken down mentally to realize that the desire we crave can only be filled by one thing: God. So here we are, Zac and I are being rebuilt from the ground up. We are no longer waiting; we are trying to live. This morning I received a surprise call from Skype: Grandma Cyndy, Kathleen, and ATLAS! 😅 It was very brief, but we will plan on Skyping again soon! I haven't gotten to really talk to Cyndy very much since we moved here, and it was so cool to see them. I think I forgot how big my boy is! 🐾 Saturday I started some seeds in great, grand hopes of having a small balcony garden this spring. So far only my lettuce and broccoli have shown their tiny heads. I'm still waiting on my tomatoes and bell peppers. If I can't do this; my dreams of a farm might be hopeless! Tonight the student tries her new knowledge... I think my Japanese croquettes turned out pretty well! I'll have to see if they pass the Zac taste test. Sato-San will be proud! Strawberries, oranges, cats in bags, and unagi! Saturday night Zac and I enjoyed a nice evening with Miyoko Atsumi and her family. It was very nice of them to show us around their family farm ( which is entirely run by her in- laws-- a 78 and 79 year old couple!!). Zac and I enjoyed seeing all the crops, and it further inspired us to have a small farm when we get back to the US. It was a good evening of friendship! We also had unagi again, and I have to admit, I believe Miyoko cooks it best! Although we didn't get to meet Mr. Atsumi, who was stuck in surrounding Tokyo traffic, we hope to return again some day. Thank you for you hospitality Atsumi family! First of all, let me start by saying that I am so jealous of all you people in America! I want some of your snow! Ok- but here are some pictures of some of the places I went today. Enjoy! The big surprise... WE GOT BIKES! Yeehaw! Look out Japan! Experiencing migraines sucks. It especially sucks when you are getting them every single day, which has been the case for the past several weeks. After talking to Zac and my Grandma Judy; I truly feel I get cluster headaches. So anyway, there is my background setting. This evening, shortly after recovering from an excruciatingly painful stabbing on my left temple, a savior comes. She comes to my door and drives me away. She takes me inside her home, makes me a bed, covers me with a blanket and heat pads, and gives me something to read while she starts to cook. Yes friends, it was Sato-San. After an afternoon of cooking, eating, and attempting to communicate the best we could, Zac and I are home and thankful to have such great people as friends. The best part of all this was hearing Sato-San talk about the stray cats and how she came to have Miko and Meme. There is a special feeling of happiness I get from petting a cat or dog here. It's almost as if the animal can tell I am lonely. Every dog I pass on the street wags his tail and comes straight to me. Getting to pet a dog or cat for 3 seconds can truly make my day. It really heals some of the loneliness and puts a smile on my face. I already knew Sato-San was a good person, but now it is further confirmed. Seeing her almost tear up when talking about the stray cats really left an impression. If a person can't have compassion for an animal; how can they have compassion for another human being? Those who love animals are usually the best kind of people. |